Thursday, September 18, 2014

A Fight I Don't Want To Win

Sometimes, going to Confession is like being whacked upside the head with a 2X4.  "Wake up, Casey!  I've been trying to tell you something, and You're. Not. Listening."

After I had finished confessing my sins, the priest, whom I had never been to before, sat quietly for a minute.  I was starting to wonder what was going on when he started in with a little pastoral counseling.  I kid you not, the Holy Spirit was giving that man some insight and prompting him to lay it out plain-as-day for me.

"You're fighting God.  Some sufferings in your life have caused you to fight against God, and that's why you're committing these sins.  You're trying to comfort yourself with worldly things instead of turning to God for comfort.  You need to stop fighting God and seek your comfort in Him instead, because sin only leads to death, but God is trying to give you life."

Right between the eyes, y'all.  The Holy Spirit don't play around.

Fighting against God is definitely a fight I don't want to win.  Shoot, it's not even a fight I want to have. But I guess my stupid, stubborn self has been fighting anyway, which is probably how I ended up down in this hole in the first place.  Time to try to start surrendering.  Because I want Life, not Death.


4 comments:

  1. But that's so hard! Surrender means vulnerability, which for some of us is terrifying. I find myself fighting against anyone who loves me, because I am too scared to accept grace.

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    Replies
    1. Damn straight it's hard. Which is why I would appreciate any prayers you might want to offer for me, and I'll pray for you, too. :)

      For me, it's less about vulnerability and more about loss of control, and having to accept the fact that my way, my will, isn't better than God's. Boy, is that hard. And scary. And it makes me want to shout "It's not fair" like a little kid.

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  2. There is nothing quite like a good Confession when the Holy Spirit just lays it out, is there?

    I'm with you on the control. It's so hard to realize His way is better, especially when I've clearly told Him how *my* way will work out. Ugh.

    Prayers for you!

    (And it's good to see you back :).)

    ReplyDelete
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